Now What?

I feel like I know what I want but the abilty to reach for it is lacking and I’m being held back. I just need to give myself persmission to do the thing that >I< want to do. Because >I< need to do the thing.

I need and want a change… like a big one. I keep trying to do these little things, chippin away but for fucks sake it takes forever to accomplish anything by little chips here and there. I was giving myself unti the end of this year to have some of my art plans in order but the end of the year is coming real fast! Time is super fast as the years go by.

Lately it’s hard to direct my brain to forcus on the things I need/want to. It’s wandering and gets stuck on pointelss scrolling or in a show that I’ve seen a bazillion times before. Intenrally things have been rough for me since my unplesant birthday this year and I’ve just been in a funk trying to manage it. I manage it the thing but I’m not really pulling myself out of it. One of these days I really need to just focus on me. Somtimes I say that I’m going to focus on me but really in the back of my braincase I’m still worried/things about othing things going on and how I can try to help make them better. It’s actually really fucking exhausting trying to keep it all together and “manage” sooo I guess it’s also a cycle in away? Maybe.

Well, now what? It’s a good questiont that I do not have an answer for. It’s Friday so that’s a plus I suppose…. we’ll see what the crappy weekend has in store. sigh