Holding Steady

It’s been a long December. Yes, I know the lyric, and yes, it feels a little on the nose. I’ve also been dealing with a stubborn cough for months now, or at least since the weather decided to turn cold. It’s the kind that lingers—clear throat, wheeze, sigh, repeat. “Forever” is probably an exaggeration, but not by much.

I’ve been trying to stay level. Trying not to slide into the heavier parts of the season, especially when it comes to my sister. Grief is strange. We hadn’t talked in a long time, which makes everything more complicated, but it doesn’t soften the absence. The holidays have a way of highlighting what’s missing—traditions, shared moments, the version of the future you assumed would still be there. I miss her. We were supposed to grow old together, not leave things unfinished.

Those thoughts come and go whether I invite them or not. Some days they’re manageable. Other days they take more effort to push aside. It’s tiring in a way that’s hard to explain, and paired with being sick, it’s been a lot.

On a more practical level, I’ve been working through Christmas tasks—packages, cards, the usual logistics. Nothing exciting, but progress is progress. A few small wins here and there, and I’m counting them. I’m looking forward to some time off, hoping it gives me a chance to slow down and reset, even just a little.

I did manage to run a holiday homebrew one-shot for my D&D group, which—unsurprisingly—turned into a two-shot. We’ll finish it next month. Even unfinished, it felt good to create and share something, and to have that time together. Right now it feels like I’ve reached the top of a long stretch and I’m waiting for things to ease up. I’m tired, genuinely tired, but cautiously hopeful about what 2026 might bring.

If you see me over the next week, I’ll likely be wrapped in a blanket, drinking something warm, still coughing, and spending a lot of time with the kittens. That’s about the pace I’m aiming for.