Grandmother M.

I don’t remember all the details of a dream that I had last night but I remember parts of it. There was this odd part with my parents mother was being mean (as usual) to my father while he was trying to work around the house. It looked like he even had cleaned the house up, as least as much as one man can vs his wife that just doesn’t. Something changes in this scene, I can’t really remember it, but next I’m with Travis and we are walking around. I dont even know the location or setting of where this dream is happening at becaue even though it’s my paretns house, it’s not really my parents house.

We make our way passed a couple of my cousins (that I haven’t seen forever) the look grown up but I still recognize them from the last time I saw them as a child. I’m trying to make my way to my grandmother. At this point in the dream I realize that this is a dream (i generally have thie relization a lot) but I keep heading to my destination.

I find my grandmother and she’s beautiful. I missed her more than I realized and I can’t stop myself from crying. Not a little crying, like, super ugly crying. There was just so many tears and I hugged her as long as I could before waking up. After waking up I was still crying and continue to off and on as I write this. I had no idea that I missed her so much…but I do. I feel like she was really the only loving and supportive family member I ever had. My father, in his own ways, loved me and shown me that love. He and I were really the “keep your feelings inside amd shove them down” kind of people. My grandmother (my father’s mother) was 100% always warem and inviting to me. She was the only person in the history of Me that I’ve never been shy and embarrassed around. She always told me that she loved me and called me her baby doll.

I really wish that I had more time with her. She has passed when I was in 4th grade and I never had a proper goodbye with her. I lived a bit over an hour away from her so seeing here whenever I wanted wasn’t an option. My family would take trips to her house every so often to help take care of the lands she owned. She had both her house and my great grandfathers farm house to take care of… really that task fell of my father for several years.

I not sure if I really have a point to this entry aside from the fact that I really miss my grandmother this morning and I really needed that hug from her in my dream. She knows that I miss her and that I need her even if it didn’t really hit me until now.

I hope to see her in my dreams again. I love her very much.